asma's blog

You wouldn’t have expected it. Trust me, even I didn’t expect it. But yeah, I quit listening to music for the 4 months. How? Why? Now what?

Growing up, music was a big part of my identity. High school was the most prominent spike, and then it just went uphill from there. It was when I first got AirPods. I was able to listen to music on my own, without being constrained by the restrictions of the radio. I got to choose which songs I liked. I got to choose how to make playlists. I got to choose how I was perceived through songs, music taste and discussions. Music used to be everything for me, a playlist for every genre, mood and event. I relied on it to get me through car rides, train rides, and the daily commute. My music would shape my feelings and subconsciously impact the way I thought, felt and acted.

Then something happened. So swiftly that I practically didn’t even realize it was happening. I started with an abrupt decision to delete all my playlists. My goal with that was to make music listening more intentional. I wrote an essay about that this year that I’ll share below.

An interesting concept that came to mind as I was brainstorming paper topics.

Bit by bit, I saw my habits change. I could no longer study/work and have music playing in the background. Which is very odd for me. I used to be literally unable to work without music. It began to get more difficult for me to focus on conversations while there was music playing; it felt like my brain capacity was reducing. The multitasking I used to be so good at before was no longer a strength for me. It had become a weakness. At this point, I wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but the one thing I noticed was that everything I was doing, I was doing better. It was like a veil of fog had been lifted off my brain, and I was able to think more clearly. I was able to adequately remember things and felt myself being way more present in my daily life. My awareness of my own actions and my ability to discern also seemed a bit more defined. There was a change in me that I holistically felt.

Naturally, it just felt like music was drifting away from my life. There was a complete detox period where I really cut it off. When I first stopped listening, I was pretty hypersensitive to it wherever it was being played and didn’t fully know how to handle that. Slowly, it was reintroduced into my life, but this time it was different. I did not feel much attraction or inclination towards music with extreme vulgarities and profanities, and the music that I was consuming evoked different emotions in me. Emotions of enlightenment, joy and peace. Also the amount in which it was being consumed was drastically different. Rather than constantly listening to fill empty silences, it was now an intentional choice to understand, feel and connect with the words, instruments and messages.

I don’t know what is right or wrong. Nor am I claiming to know that. What I do know, however, is that music surrounds us. From birds chirping in the early morning to the sound of the wind whistling through leaves, music is everywhere. Silence is never empty, because in even the quietest rooms you can hear the faint sound of your own breath. Modern music is a conscious manipulation of sounds and beats to create curated listening experiences of self-expression. To an extent, songs created by artists can be compared to my writing here on my blog. We have this innate urge to express ourselves in one way or another. We share our lives, our thoughts and our feelings to be understood and known. The way we eat, how we dress, what we do, our hobbies, they are all ways we express ourselves and evoke how we want to be known at some subconscious level. When we suppress ourselves, basically in a way that we cannot express ourselves, it causes a lot of emotional turmoil.

As I grow older, the need to express myself is now different from what it was before. Don’t get me wrong, I love to talk, and I mean, I have a blog, so clearly the inclination to share my thoughts persists. However, I think my expression has shifted in the sense that now I think I’ve started to care less and less about what others may think of me. I think that that’s good because it allows me to live more authentically; however, sometimes I forget that Allah SWT is always watching, and I say and do things in the name of self-expression that are not necessarily good. To someone, murder could be a form of self-expression, a need to express revenge, hatred or anger towards another person.

In Islam, there aren’t specific rules on what jobs you can have or what colours to wear. There is no mention of shawarma being better for you than sushi. There are, however, guidelines. Guidelines to help us live our lives in a way that eases our hearts and perhaps direct our self-expression in directions that are good for our souls.

(13:28) Surah Ar-Ra’ad, Verse 28.

ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَتَطْمَئِنُّ قُلُوبُهُم بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ ۗ أَلَا بِذِكْرِ ٱللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ ٱلْقُلُوبُ ٢٨

Those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah. Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.
— Dr. Mustafa Khattab, The Clear Quran

All in all, not listening to music had an extremely positive impact on my life, and I hope to be much more intentional and purposeful in what I consume.

sincerely,

asma.